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Zombieland: Double Tap

Have you ever been such a lonely, desperate, horny fucker that you convinced yourself that your ex was the solution to at least one of those problems?  You and your ex get together, and soon - maybe in 10 minutes or 10 days - you realize that you've made a mistake of spectacularly fucked proportions.  They're the same person they've always been.  So are you.  And so is whatever the fuck it is you're doing together again.

Bottle that feeling and you've got the full experience of watching Zombieland: Double Tap, in a bottle.  When the original Zombieland came out, it was a welcome entry in the zombedy category populated by the likes of Shaun of the Dead and Warm Bodies.  It was a surprise hit, so the studio leapt into action on a sequel, and a mere decade later along shambles Zombieland: Double Tap.

Yes, that is the single, biggest, gaping asshole problem with the new flick.  10 years is a long fucking time.  It raises people's expectations.  After all, if you have 10 years to make a 90-minute, cookie cutter comedy, it's gonna be awesome, right?  Guess again, shit for braaaaains.

Zombieland: Double Tap feels like the first draft of the original Zombieland.  The main characters, played by the amazing cast of Emma "I Ever Gonna Get To Meet Ms." Stone, "Dear" Abigail Beslin, Woody "Legalize It!" Harrelson, and Jesse Eisenberg "Ncertainty Rinciple," haven't grown or changed at all (ok, except for a couple of them packing on some real world pounds even though they'd likely be dropping some serious lbs post-zombie apocalypse). 

With nothing new to offer, Double Tap is the worst example of more of the same.  The only remotely inventive minutes in this dead flesh rehash belong to Bill "BFM" Murray.  In a cameo.  During the credits. 

Fuck that noise.

October 18, 2019

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