The funniest, nastiest movie reviews anywhere.

The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part

Congratulations to the minds behind The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part!  Most franchises take four or five entries before they reach black hole levels of suck.  This brain fart of a brain trust did it in just two.  Way to go, blockheads!

The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part crew were so far from even the hint of a shadow of an idea for their sequel to the surprise - and surprisingly solid - first hit LEGO Movie that they felt like they needed to pad the fucking title.  If they'd played off the redundancy in any way, sure, fine.  But the The Second Part part isn't even the punchline of a throwaway joke.  Unless you count the movie itself.

No longer the new kid on the block, The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part has no idea what it's trying to say and even less idea how to say it.  It's a sophomore slump of epic proportions.  It's basically a couple of really bad puns wrapped up in $100M or so of CGI.

Chris "Mas" Pratt is back as the terminally upbeat Emmet Brickowski.  He was the Chosen One in the first movie, but now he's just like everyone else.  Emmet's love interest - really "like interest" as this is way more a kiddie flick than the last one - Lucy a/k/a Wyldstyle (Elizabeth "River" Banks), joins him on a pointless, nightmare-begat nightmare of a journey to save the LEGOverse.

Also returning with all the passion and purpose of a three week-beached porpoise are Batman (Will "Yumtell" Arnett), Unikitty (Alison "My Aim Is True" Brie), MetalBeard ("St." Nick Offerman), and a bunch of other slumming celebs.  The big name added to The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part is It Girl Tiffany "I Think We're Alone Now" Haddish.  I guess there's a reason everyone's dying to lick her butthole; she's easily the best thing on screen.

I'd rather fall dick first onto the sharpest LEGO than suffer through The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part again.

February 9, 2019

The Chive
Punk Tacos HD Radio Station
T-Shirt Hell
Cinemark Cinemas