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   The funniest, nastiest movie reviews anywhere.


Spider-Man: Far from Home


For maximum enjoyment, read (or sing) this review to the tune of the theme song from the old Spider-Man TV show (check it out on YouTube here).  Happy Birthday, America!


Spider-Man, Spider-Man,
It's been three months, so sure, Spider-Man.
Nothing new, just supersized,
Someone please gouge my eyes.
Aw fuck!  Not another Spider-Man!


Does it suck? C'mon mate!
It's the shittiest one to date.
Will it kill the franchise dead?
Are you nuts?  Use your head!
Aw fuck!  Not another Spider-Man!


If Endgame was the feast,
Then this one's just a mint.
It's got less reason to be,
Than Netflix's Iron Fist.


Spider-Man: Far from Home,
Sure some laughs but kiddie toned.
Tom Holland tries his best,
He's almost better than the rest.
Fuck me!  This movie is so lame-o,
Still gonna make tons of dough,
Because it's Spider-Man!