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   The funniest, nastiest movie reviews anywhere.

Sausage Party

The world is full to the brim with enough fucktrocities to make Pope Francis question his faith.  Donald Trump could become President.  Hillary Clinton could become President.  Thousands of Olympic athletes are about to bring the zombie apocalypse straight outta Rio.  Kanye and She Who Shall Not Be Named are reproducing at an alarming rate.  Dancing with the Stars has been renewed for a 23rd season.

So do we really need two Canuck Jews proselytizing Atheism using a grocery store full of CG foodstuffs and sundries?  No.  No we do not.  But that didn't stop Seth "Fozzie" Rogen and Evan "Stevan" Goldberg from foisting an hour-and-a-half long love letter to Richard Dawkins on us in the form of Sausage Party.

How do you know you're watching a Rogen/Goldberg jawn (Pineapple Express, This Is The End, The Night Before)?  It feels like it was conceived, written, filmed and edited by a couple of dudes stoned out of their gourds.  It features some combination of James "Cocktail" Franco, Danny "Boy" McBride, Jonah "The Whale" Hill and Michael "Cattivo" Cera.  And it's as funny as a Delhi gang rape.

Sausage Party checks all those boxes and adds a generous helping of anti-PC gags.  There's the Jewish bagel that sounds like Woody Allen and is voiced by a gentile (Edward "Penishands" Norton), the Muslim lavash voiced by a Jew (David "KK" Krumholtz), the Native American bottle of Firewater brand booze ("Mr." Bill Hader), the lesbian taco (Salma "Kayak" Hayek), the box of grits that hates crackers (Craig "T" Robinson), a "Come at me, bro!" douche (Nick Kroll "The Conqueror") and a Nazi sauerkraut (Conrad "Mount" Vernon) that wants to exterminate the Juice. 

All the items in the Shopwell's grocery store believe that, if they abstain from sex and are otherwise well-behaved, when they're bought they'll go to a version of Heaven called the "Great Beyond."  When a jar of honey mustard (McBride) is returned, he comes back raving about the belief-shattering truth that there is no Great Beyond.  The "gods" are really monsters who consume the things they buy at the grocery.

Sausage Party's hero, a hot dog named Frank (Rogen) who was aching for the Great Beyond so that he could finally bang his girlfriend, the vagina-mouthed bun, Brenda (Kristen "It's Not A" Wiig), tries to convince the rest of the store's inhabitants that they have to fight back, to not go gently into the crock pots and blenders of the hereafter.

An assload of "fucks," "shits" and "cunts" later, the whole thing literally climaxes with a gigantic food orgy that makes the puppet sex scene in Team America look like a tame episode of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.

Which, I guess, is the height of hilarity if you've got a buzz on.  The audience at the showing I saw couldn't stop laughing, and pretty much all of them were obviously baked.  Serious as fuck, I think I caught a contact high just sitting there.

August 12, 2016