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   The funniest, nastiest movie reviews anywhere.


Ready or Not


The only reason The Hunt, a movie about rich assholes hunting a poor chick only to have the 99%er turn the tables on them, had its theatrical release cancelled and only weeks later Ready or Not, a movie about rich assholes hunting a poor chick only to have the 99%er turn the tables on them, got released nationwide with nary a peep from anyone is because The Hunt featured a lot of "military grade," automatic weapons while Ready or Not's guns are all antiques.  Change my mind.


It didn't hurt that His Royal Assclownishness, Trump, tweeted that The Hunt, a movie that neither he nor anyone else has actually seen, was some sort of call to arms in a class war between the rich and poor.  Isn't it great that the President of the United States takes the time to micromanage such vitally important issues?  Fucknut.


In Ready or Not, a woman who grew up as a foster kid (Samara "Samara, I Love You, Samara" Weaving) marries into a family that has more money than all the mainstream gods put together thanks to their board game empire.  On her wedding night, the family forces her to play a game of Hide and Seek.  The catch is that they're not just trying to find her.  They believe they have to kill her before dawn to appease their lord, Satan, or they'll fall from the Fallen One's favor in a ferociously fucked up fashion.


The homicidal Hasbros include her newly-minted mother-in-law ("Raggedy" Andie MacDowell) and aunt-in-law ("Little" Nicky Guadagni).  McDowell still looks good stalking about with a bow and arrow, and Guadagni plays an old battle ax who goes after her prey with an old battle ax.


This The Most Dangerous Game meets The Addams Family tries to set itself apart with some dark humor, and truth be told some of the kills are hilariously staged, but they showed them all in the previews.  So what, precisely, is the point of plopping down $10-$15 to see this thing?  *crickets*


There's been a movie recently about the game of Tag.  Now they've done Hide and Seek.  I've got $100 that says Duck, Duck, Death is already in production.


August 23, 2019