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Money Monster

Come November (come, come November) Hillary Clinton will become the first vagicentric President of the United States.  It's guaran-fucking-teed because she'll be running against Donald Trump, a cartoon buffoon whose candidacy gets Burning Man weirder every day.

Then, 10 or so years down the road, Trump will go all Enola Gay and drop the bombshell that his bizzaro run for the White House was a Burj Khalifa big, sumo wrestler fat lie with only one goal . . . to get Hillary elected.  "We were in it together the whole time!" he'll cackle, "How all you morons never figured it out I will never freakin' know.  Now you'll have to excuse me.  I'm flying to the Island of the Spray Tan Loving Slutbags to begin my ambassadorship.  Thank you, Madame President!"

The game is fucking rigged.  Which game?  All of them!  Politics, finance, justice.  Anything related to power or money.  The rich get richer, and everyone else gets fucked.  A hard-working single mom gets pulled over after having a glass of wine at happy hour, and she loses everything, bankrupted by fines and fees, hounded by social services.  Some drugged up, asshole celebrity smashes her Bentley into a school bus and gets 10 hours of community service and an apology note from the judge for the inconvenience.

You miss a mortgage payment or two, and the bank bounces your ass out onto the street faster than you can say "foreclosure."  But when the banks bet against the worthless mortgages they issued and end up bringing about the financial apocalypse in 2008, they're "too big to fail" and get billions in taxpayer handouts to keep them going - multimillion dollar annual CEO bonuses and all.

Jodie "It's Hollywood For Lesbian" Foster apparently just realized the whole 1%-ass-ramming-everyone-else thing and made Money Monster to show that rich movie star types are totally different from rich Wall Street or Washington types.

"Curious" George Clooney is a Jim Cramer knockoff, Lee Gates, who hosts an investment show/infotainment circus called Money Monster.  During one of his live (really?) shows, a twenty-something delivery driver named Kyle ("Union" Jack O'Connell) waltzes onto the set, straps a bomb vest to Gates and demands to know how one of Gates' 100% certified investments tanked overnight costing the market $800M and Kyle himself his entire life savings.

While Gates' producer, Patty (Julia "Duckface" Roberts), tries to keep Kyle from blowing up her cash cow, she's also working to uncover the truth behind the stock crashing.  Surprise, surprise, it wasn't just a "glitch" in the trading algorithm like the company claimed.

Clooney coasts.  Roberts does the "I'm still hot but old enough you have to take me seriously" bit.  O'Connell wrestles with a New Yawk accent.  And in the end the rich fucks who fucked the poor fucks basically get away with it and the poor fucks are still fucked.

Just like real life.  This stupid country.

May 15, 2016