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The Chive


   The funniest, nastiest movie reviews anywhere.


Why so serious?  People have been stressing the fuck out about Joker since it was first announced.  It's just a movie, folks, and there ain't thing one about it that's groundbreaking, thought-provoking, offensive, or anything else enough to justify anyone giving half a damn about it.

The first Interwebs conniptions came when Joaquin "Name A City That Sucks" Phoenix was announced as the latest Clown Prince of Crime.  Given the range from Romero to Nicholson to Hamill to Ledger, how could any moderately sane person be certain that Phoenix, a talented mufucka, wasn't up to the green hair dye and white greasepaint?  For fuck's sake, Ledger's Joker is my daily reminder that I know fuck all about anything.  I knew he'd blow.  Turns out he's my favorite Joker ever.  The joke was on me.

Before anyone had even seen the film, assholes of various shades were calling for boycotts and whatnot.  Some seemed to think that it was too violent.  Well, it's not.  Any of the beloved John Wick flicks boasts a bigger body count during the opening scene than Joker manages over two hours. 

Others seemed to think that it was somehow going to create real-world violence.  For the last fucking time, THERE IS NO SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE THAT VIOLENT FICTION LEADS TO VIOLENCE IN REAL LIFE!  So the next time someone tries to tell you that their pet peeve of the moment - rap music, movies, video games, etc. - is why all the shitty parents' shitty kids are doing horrifically shitty shit to other human beings, you go ahead and punch 'em right in the throat.

The U.S. government even issued a memo to law enforcement about Joker possibly motivating incels to go on murderous rampages.  What's in incel, you ask?  It stands for "involuntarily celibate," and it's what we used to call "losers."  I guess every subculture, no matter how small and pathetic, gets a catchy Brangelina-type name these days.  Well fuck that!  If you're not getting laid, hit the gym, work on your personality, even get plastic surgery if you have to.  Just leave the rest of us out of it.

The punchline is that Joker isn't anywhere near worth all the hubbub, bub.  It has a few cool moments, but the rest ranges from forgettable to downright boring.  Fast-forward from one Ledger Joker scene to the next in The Dark Knight for a much better, and shorter, time.

October 4, 2019