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Horrible Bosses 2

I am happier than a prof. in a coed that I was not subjected to the original Horrible Bosses.  It looked, well, horrible.  After some exhaustive research (HookedOnWikipedia worked for me!), it turns out it was a quarter-assed riff on 1951's Strangers on a Train - or, more likely, that movie's very own 1987 ripoff, Throw Momma from the Train.

So, in the first movie Nick (Jason "Paycheck Cashin'" Bateman), Kurt (Jason "Is That Ed Helms?" Sudeikis) and Dale (Charlie "Same Schtick As 'It's Always Sunny'" Day) decided to murder each others' hated bosses (played by Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell and Jennifer Aniston, respectively).  As Nick is spineless, Kurt is an ADD lech and Dale is half a chromosome away from being featured on a Special Olympics poster, their plan failed miserably.

Following the Rule of Sequels like scripture, Horrible Bosses 2 is basically the same movie only bigger, lazier and track-pants-on-Jabba-the-Hutt pointless.  Wanting to be their own bosses, the three borderline retarded sociopaths start a company called Nick-Kurt-Dale.  If - as the main characters do repeatedly - you say "Nick-Kurt-Dale" quickly, it sounds like what you might call the town where Archie, Jughead and the rest of the comic book high schoolers live if they were all African Americans and you were a racist.

And for reference sake, that's one of the most inspired bits of wordplay in this ass-wafting mess of an improv-a-thon.

Seriously, when asked why they started their own company, the guys say, "We were working for some pretty awful bosses."  Now I'm no big time Hollywood screenwriter, but given the title of the movie, don't you think calling them "horrible bosses" rather than "awful bosses" might have been just a tad bit more clever?

You fucking, somnambulant hacks!

After Nick, Kurt and Dale fall prey to an evil businessman (which is to say one who understands how contracts work and has an IQ higher than his golf score), Bert Hanson (Christoph "Slummin' It" Waltz), they decide to kidnap Hanson's son, Rex (Chris "Please Tell Me I'm Not Just A Pretty Boy!" Pine), and ransom him for the money to save their fledgling business. 

Trust me, it's even less funny than it sounds.

Kevin Spacey cameos in a rehash of his early career, funnier-by-a-million-miles role in Swimming With Sharks, and Aniston plays a sex fiend with a thing for 14-year-old boys.  Because pedophilia is the height of hilarity.

Horrible Bosses 2.  So not like a boss.

November 30, 2014