The funniest, nastiest movie reviews anywhere.


Assholes who talk during movies.  Bitches who can't be bothered to use their turn signals.  Fat fucks who refuse to buy two airplane seats, so their blubber nearly smothers you all the way from Tallahassee to Tacoma.  There are so many legit reasons to hate people, which is why hating someone solely because of the color of their skin is the weakest-ass tea.

Fuck racism!  Fuck all the excuses-to-be-dicks-to-other-people-isms!  Don't be a lazy hater.  Be a thoughtful, passionate, constructive one who bags on people for what they do and what they think not for which country their ancestors happened to be born in.

The Walmart of American racism is the Ku Klux Klan aka the KKK.  They're the biggest brand, and they cater to the lowest common denominator.  Those cross-burning, white hood-wearing, Civil War sore losers have been calling for an all-White America since the 19th Century.  While their Grand Poobah, David "Douchebag" Duke, managed to get himself elected to the Louisiana state legislature, they are, by and large, some dumb motherfuckers.  For instance, those fucktards - Duke included - were fooled by a Black police officer into letting him join their little club.

True fucking story, and Spike "To The Vein" Lee's BlacKkKlansman tells it like the saddest dirty joke ever.  In 1979 Colorado Springs, Ron Stallworth (John David "George" Washington) is the first Black police officer on the force.  One day he notices an ad in the local paper looking for people to join the KKK.  This was 19-fucking-79, and he's the first Black cop in a town in Colorado where the Klan recruits new members using ads in the newspaper?!!  What the Rocky Mountain redneck fuck?!

Stallworth calls the number, and the Klan recruiter mistakes him for a White guy.  When Stallworth wrangles an invite to come on down and meet the Klan in person, he gets a White cop, Flip (Adam "Screw" Driver), to stand in for him.  Over the next nine months, Stallworth played himself on the phone, Flip played him in person, and they both played the Klan.

BlacKkKlansman doesn't just tell this stranger-than-fiction story.  As he's been doing since 1986, Lee uses the film to shine some blindingly bright light on the state of race relations in this fucked up country.  Lee even manages to get in multiple shots at El Jefe Naranja with multiple Trumpism references, including having Duke (Topher "Amazing" Grace) talk about the KKK making America great again.

Maybe the most incredible thing about BlacKkKlansman is that it got made by a Black man who is on record as saying that the Jews run Hollywood.  Wrap your hat holder around that one.

August 10, 2018

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