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   The funniest, nastiest movie reviews anywhere.


September 30, 2022 - New review this week? Negatory, good buddy.

​​​​​Thor: Love and Thunder

In poker, you might find yourself holding a "weak ace." Or if you're playing craps you could roll a "hard eight." It's possible that dude you're checking out at the bar with the Superman bod and the Erkel face is a "strong six." Thor: Love and Thunder is a soft Three Fingers, which is to say it's barely average, only a pube away from sliding into Four Finger Land.

That's right, faithful reader, Disney continues to struggle with the current phase of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). The last time we saw the God of Thunder, in Thor: Ragnarok​, the result was a heavenly mix of comedy and action not previously seen in the MCU. Despite featuring the same stars and director, Love and Thunder is damn near purgatorial; it just can't capture the same lightning in a bottle, and it suffers in comparison to the previous Thory. (Ugh. I know, right? Bad Cinemavenger!)

The movie starts with Thor (Chris "Rock Hard" Hemsworth) hangin' with his homies, the Guardians of the Galaxy, but quickly sends that band of misfits packing so that Thor and his rock guy bestie, Korg (Taika "Tuesdays" Waititi), can team up with King Valkyrie ("O" Tessa Thompson) and Thor's ex, Doctor Jane Foster now a/k/a Lady Thor and/or The Mighty Thor (Natalie "A Tawny" Portman), to battle Gorr the God Butcher (Christian "Hay" Bale).

Either Watiti, who directed and helped write Love and Thunder, was simply trying too hard, or his joke tank is empty. How else do you get a screaming goat "gag" that gets called back more than the easiest chick in high school? I vaguely remember screaming goat videos being kind of popular for five minutes eight years ago, so what the ass are those annoying fuckers doing taking up chunks of runtime in 2022?

There's a quick shot of an ice cream joint called Infinity Conez, a play on Thanos using the Infinity Stones to wipe out half of all life in the universe, which happened just a few years ago from Love and Thunder's perspective. Wouldn't that be like opening a Hitlerz Houz of Bratz . . . even today? Too soon!

I won't spoil the ending, but it makes as much sense as those other shitastic choices. Hopefully the inevitable porn parody, probably called Love Gravy and Thunder Thighs, will have more money shots.

September 16, 2022

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